this is the last photo that i took of max.
my beliefs allow me to hope that in his next life max will be a human. as a human, he'll be able to improve his karma and hopefully achieve enlightenment.
i know that he and i had very strong karma. i believe that he was a bodhisattva, and i was lucky enough to be his friend. you can only guess how many times he comforted, chastised and cheered me. his wisdom was always in the tone of his meow.
max was my cat. he was afraid of children, curious of other big humans, but not fond of men. i've only known one man that max truly liked. i was shocked, and max was not shy about it.
this last year was a tough one. he lost his beautiful coat and went from 11 to 5 pounds. his thyroid took its toll and eventually the kidneys said enough. but, he still had spunk and an opinion.
to the very last hour he was talking... and now my world is painfully quiet.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
this is the last photo that i took of max.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
when you're trying to hold it together and keep up a damn fine front of sturdy frontier fortitude, a little kindness from a stranger or a friend can really make you feel less alone on the prairie.
i've been given obstacle after obstacle today and just had to push through it. at the end of this day, i'm sore and exhausted. the four hours rest i had wore off sometime around the time i was standing in the middle of a downtown hotel discovering that the car rental agent told a fib on the phone and i was looking at being left in the proverbial lurch.
lesson reiteration: don't count on anyone or anything. be ready for a change and be freaking flexible.
thank goodness i'm okay with that.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
i'd like to apologize. i've been pretty negative and generally struggling.
i think it's time to start remembering that my glass is at minimum half full. i've got a lot of great people in my life, exciting opportunities and the freedom to make anything happen.
while i was taking this picture of the Chenrezig on my shelf tonight, i spent some time thinking on what has been taking my energy. i realize that i've been focusing on the wrong things.
i'm crazy lucky and that's something to be very thankful for. i feel like i've spent too much energy lately worrying myself to exhaustion about losing people i care about and what i'm doing with my life.
it's okay not to succeed at everything. it's okay if not everyone sticks around.
what's important is now.
"With the wish to free all beings
I shall always go for Refuge
To the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha
Until I attain full enlightenment
Enthused by compassion and wisdom
Today in the Buddha's Presence
I generate the Mind of Enlightenment
For the benefit of all sentient beings
As long as space endures
And as long as sentient beings remain
May I, too, remain
To dispel the miseries of the world."
om mani padme hum
now, we face round two.
had a long heart to heart with my doc today. i highly recommend it. sometimes you know things aren't right, or maybe there is something in your closet that may shed some light.
you simply never know and being honest and forthright can only be helpful.
hiding is not helpful.
hiding is bad.
hiding is what i want to do.
i want to be 26 forever.
i wish i was never afraid.
(i'm no one special. we all have to deal with our health, and frankly, i've gotten off damn lucky for forty-two years. let me be clear--i'm NOT complaining.)
i'm not qualified to evaluate and diagnose myself, but i am a research whore. i read a lot and now that PCOS and other little snags are in my life, i REALLY pay attention. so, when things are amiss, i don't just hope it will go away.
it's a little like trying to make the perfect mac n cheese. you add a little more cheese, a little less milk... or maybe not. maybe you need some butter.
and, just when you think you have the perfect recipe, you're favorite noodle maker goes out of business.
so, you end up back at the lab...
Friday, April 10, 2009
i realize that easter is an important religious day... as a buddhist, it isn't quite the same for me, but i do respect and appreciate its meaning. i was raised catholic and enjoy the pomp and presentation of the easter services.
however, my favorite things about easter are eggs and reeses peanut butter eggs. i'm not a huge fan of the choco bunny or the peeps...oh! i know. ;-)
every year, i dye eggs. it's a tradition that i hate to skip. i also love to hunt for eggs... i've heard tell of adult hunts and would like to try that sometime.
but, for now.... click on the picture to see what i've created this year.
and Happy Easter!
Thursday, April 09, 2009
i spent an afternoon with em, sans belly dance costume, to explore the art of the portrait. as usual, em was a great model and making her laugh was purdy much my goal.
every day i learn more. this is with my beat to hell trusty sony cybershot that i call lenny.
i used to carry these handouts in my daytimer until they just got so weathered... thanks to the scanners, they still inspire!
i quit craving years ago, and more often than not, it seems like someone else's life. thanks to a pe teacher and conservation/bio teacher at meramec for planting the seeds to drop the habit... my pe teacher handed me these in the locker room, but it took four more years for the impact. but, ultimately, it worked!
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Emily and I went to play in the ruins at Tower Grove. It was my first day out with the 50D and Emily was a great model!
So, I've become interested in this "365 project" idea and have decided to give it a whirl.
This is day one. I look forward to using this project to explore the world and people around me and learn how to use this fantastic camera.
It should be an interesting year! ;-)
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey nonny nonny.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Rod Blagojevich is crazy. i really think there is a chemical malfunction with this man. i'm rarely appalled by anyone's behaviour, but this dude is an arse of the rarest breed.
i could rant, but i've done enough of that lately. i just wanted to go on record that i'm not particularly fond of this twit.